Schloss is the discount beer of the Netto supermarket chain, which itself is owned by Edeka. I have to say that, of all the supermarkets in Germany I’ve seen, Netto is by far the shittiest. The name of the brewery is not written on the can, but after a quick search on the net, I discovered that the Schloss range is brewed by Darguner Brauerei in Mecklenburg-Vorpommern. Ausgerechnet Meck-Pomm. My expectations are not high.
Pilsener
Here we have Schloss’ generic discount pils at 29 cents per 500ml with an ABV of 4.9%. The label promises “spicy pils enjoyment” and “premium quality” which I highly doubt, but let’s give this Plörre a chance.
Colour is the typical straw urine yellow of every other generic pils. The head was okay for a beer of this price point with quite a bit of thick lacing. Smell is quite strong and unpleasant with a lot of corn. Taste is sickly and cloyingly sweet. There are no other flavours apart from the assault of sugar; no bitterness to speak of and a slimy, slightly grimy aftertaste like licking a mossy stone. It also has watery mouthfeel with a high prickly carbonation.
This is an incredibly boring and one-dimensional beer which is overly sweet and, due to lack of any hop bitterness, should not really be called a pils. It’s definitely one of the shittiest shit beers I’ve tried so far, but it’s still not as horrendous as Perlenbacher Pils.
Rating: 2 Stars out of 10
Export
The next offering from Schloss is their Export Lager with an ABV of 5.2% and the same price of 29 cents per 500ml can.
Colour, smell and head retention are similar to the pils. Taste is monotonously sweet with no signs of bitterness and no aftertaste, but fortunately there are no unpleasant flavours. Mouthfeel and carbonation are identical to the Pils.
The Export is slightly better than the Pils simply because there is no grimy aftertaste. For a shit beer though, it is extremely unremarkable.
Rating: 3 Stars out of 10
Green Bear 